I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
