Kareoke will never be a sober sport
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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