His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Define "chronic" masturbator.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
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