I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
