Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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