just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you win again, gameday.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Randomize
