I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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