I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
