Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
