Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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