so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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