I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i think i have two assholes
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
