I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
