chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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