I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
