I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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