I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
