Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
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