that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
