I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
