apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
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he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
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With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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