I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
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