Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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