I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
