They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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