two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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