hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
