I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
