This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
