Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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