I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
