bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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