he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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