so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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