He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
