The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
