He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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