Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
