one two three fourrrrnication!
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
