I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
