one two three fourrrrnication!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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