Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
