im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
