I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
