Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
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