You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
What a dumb baby whore.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
