woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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