It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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