Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I'm bleeding and have questions
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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