i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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