so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Randomize
