Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
