Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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