I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Randomize
