Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
operation have a gay friend backfired
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
