thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
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