So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
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