Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
