Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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