Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I fill condoms, not promises.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
