Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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