When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
All I want is dick and wine.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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