I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
