Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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