How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
