i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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