fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
party gras won. party gras always wins.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
