Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Please, let me fuck your mom
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
