What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
