I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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