At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
