roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
