Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Randomize
