why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
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I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
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